T24 - Self Examination - C 7

What makes us tick? Mostly I examine my inner workings through the structures of psychology but there are other systems which can be used according to your needs and your spiritual values. Astrology has its uses, too. Any system of thought can be used for reflection and/or comparison of the workings of your mind and feelings with some kind of standardized values or mental mechanics. Even religions have their uses if one doesn't take them too seriously.

The best way for me was to first learn to define what I was feeling - put correct labels on all my feelings and emotions. Once I was able to bring some order to all those seemingly random occurrences I was able to see patterns, recognize situations or events which would precipitate similar feelings. Soon enough I felt more comfortable with myself, less frightened. Over a few years everything else fell slowly into place.

I also had to study some philosophy and logic in order to build my own mental structures, my own scaffolding on which I could erect my newly forming self. Believe it or not Algebra helped enormously! The study of the abstracts of relating symbols trained my mind to be able think logically and also be able to accept radically (or so I thought at the time) new ideas which were at first utterly foreign to me. Eventually I came to enjoy this facet of mathematics and bring it to bear in other areas of my life, among them introspection. It trained my memory until I could relate thought after thought going forwards or backwards and thus I was able to build intellectual structures and the capability to understand almost anything.

I consider my life a success story having come from confusion and loneliness to confidence, thoughtfulness, compassion and willingness to hear opinions other than my own. In this sense my life is a pleasure.